Today marks the day that I gave up my maiden name
to embrace a good change.
I am now officially carrying my husband's surname.
With all honesty, saying yes in marriage was easier to do
than giving up my name. Hahaha!
And I was asked if it was a Filipino thing.
And I was asked if it was a Filipino thing.
Kidding aside, I grew up with the knowledge passed to me
by my mother that it signifies nothing but total submission
to your spouse along with the vow you had given to him.
To honor your better half, even the last thing that you own
since you were born will be given up,
So many married women retain their names due to personal reasons.
I thought of it very well and I told myself,
"If I would decide on doing it, I should do it now
because I have all the time to prepare everything since I'm on light duty."
And so I decided to amend it today and it inspired me to write this.
For my DIY Monday, there's a slight twist to what I'm going to present. No handicrafts, no scrapbooking and no art today. Instead, it's a mental makeover to lessen excess baggage on our shoulders. We always say to ourselves "NEVER GIVE UP" but maybe there are some things that we should start letting go of. These are the ones that don't work for us anymore or is not doing our life any better. The month of June marks halfway to the rest of 2014 and it is the best time to reassess yourself and the resolutions you have set last January too.
As "ACHIEVE GOALS" presented,
here are the
15 THINGS TO GIVE UP
1. DOUBTING YOURSELF
You are given one life only to enjoy here on earth. One life to make your dreams come true, to make that change happen, to experience whatever there is to experience. Don't waste your time doubting if you are capable or not. Don't waste your time thinking if you are worthy of it or how much of something do you deserve. How would others believe in you if you yourself are giving up right before you make things happen? Don't be afraid to take a leap. This is the only way to know your limit and if it's workable or not. Remember, it is innate amongst us humans to find ways on how to cope and adapt. Know yourself very well and accept it. That's the very key NOT to fall into doubting.
2. NEGATIVE THINKING
I remember this afternoon when I was exchanging thoughts with a good friend before we were about to do the parade on a very sunny day. Very sunny that a "HOT WEATHER" warning was hoisted by the local weather observatory. This is the ultimate culprit when your day job deals with the outdoors. We were on the verge of complaining when both of us ended up convincing each other that it WILL NOT make us quit our day job. And that from then on, we will have this mantra to battle negative thinking:
"Be careful with your thoughts, for they may become your words.
Be careful with your words for they may become your actions.
Be careful with your actions for they may become your habits.
Be careful with your habits, for they may become your character.
Be careful with your character for it may become your destiny."
3. FEAR OF FAILURE
FEAR is nothing but a product of our own thinking. We are not perfect and that thought itself gives us a license to learn from our own failures. There's no place for improvement if we don't fail. Imagine if life is too perfect to handle... then there would be no challenges, nothing to bring about excitement and no drive which would make your life worth living.
4. DESTRUCTIVE RELATIONSHIPS
If you want to live a harmonious life, let go of the negative people that do nothing but make you feel bad about yourself. The last thing that you need in your life is somebody who'd bring you down every time you strive to be better. Learn to say "no" to abusive friends and loved ones. Know your worth. Be real and respect others' differences. Don't wear a mask just to blend in. Don't pretend to be who you're not just to be accepted.
This would never do anybody good. Doing this won't make you the "trustworthy" amongst everybody else. It doesn't exempt you from being doubted on because whatever you share to one person leaves him/her doubtful of how come the others share this information to you? It's like working them in two ways, right? And who earns that two-faced label? YOU!
6. CRITICISING YOURSELF AND OTHERS
No judgements should be passed on to others just because they sin differently than you. And the worst part is when you give criticisms as to how they act and how they are living their lives. There are more other productive things you can do with your time than find faults from your neighbor. Every one of us is entitled to a true friend's criticism, yes. But that is if you need to get awakened of something that may be destructive to yourself and to others. If it doesn't make that criteria at all, be kind to yourself and give away your best asset to others, YOUR GENUINE SMILE.
There's nothing more liberating than a good night's sleep to start your day. Anger usually hinders you from sleeping well at night because of the rage that takes you far away from being relaxed, at peace and satisfied at the end of the day. Anger could be a root cause of many things that you may regret in the future. Strive to see the goodness of a person, the bigger picture when things don't happen according to how you planned it and in counting your blessings instead of complaining about not getting what you wanted.
8. COMFORT EATING
The physical body, if nurtured properly, brings our mind to its ultimate efficiency. If we continue to indulge on junk foods, binge eating and unhealthy diet regimes, our brains will continually get confused, thus putting the entire body into an unstable state. It will also be deprived of the nutrients it needs to sustain energy provision for the entire body to act upon, making you sluggish the whole day and dependent of unnecessary treats. Or, it may go thru a hoarding process wherein it stocks up food and chooses to adapt a slower metabolism which may lead to unnecessary weight gain and slower pick up.
Poor diet, lack of sleep and rest and lack of motivation may all be reasons behind a lazy attitude. If you'd allow 10 minutes of laziness per day, you'd be spending 3,650 minutes for the entire year. That is spending more than 60 hours of just plainly being lazy.
Accumulatively, more than 2 days without sleeping, eating and without any breaks.
What a huge waste of time!
Mind you, it's not just 10 minutes that you choose to be lazy in a day, right? In reminding you of the saying, "An idle mind is the workshop of the devil.", awaken your spirit by embracing the idea of learning something new whenever you get a chance. For sure you have wanted to do something else besides what you have achieved by now. Who knows, maybe a hobby, a new learned skill or a craft you have just learned how to do or make, may earn you a buck! So give up being a couch potato and continuously challenge yourself.
10. NEGATIVE SELF TALK
How much "Thank you's!" did you give back to the people who did an effort to compliment on you today? How many of them did you correct that you don't look cute, or you are not doing good, that you were just doing your job? Or how many of them did you actually convince that you are not to be complimented on? All of us have our own special way of leaving an impression to others with the way we carry ourselves and the way we speak of ourselves. With the fast paced lifestyle each of us own in this modern times, when somebody asks you, "How are you?", all that they have time for is hearing you answer, "I'm fine." If you answer with a "So-so", don't expect that they would bother following it up with "Let's talk about it over coffee". Why? They are also carrying their own burdens. Brutal as it may seem, they just actually wanted to avoid a dull moment. So, may I suggest, choose to feel confident. Keep your head up and face the day with a positive outlook. This will radiate to the people and they will perceive it more inviting and invigorating. For some reason, most of us don't take in the praises welcomingly and this somehow retracts that confidence back. It denotes insecurities and this often leads you to become a boring person. Never allow this to happen. Negative self talk makes listeners bored, uninterested and turned off. If you have this habit, start eliminating it from your core. Change it with a habit of starting your day by telling yourself in the mirror, "Today will be a good day because I was born fabulous!"
You are always waiting for the right timing, and when it's there, you always end up becoming a reason machine just to avoid getting something done. You have probably heard this a million times but there's nothing much better to exchange this cliche with so I'm going to say it again with conviction, Nobody is ever ready! Whoever says that he or she is, is delusional. Planning may be perceived as getting ready for something but it's no guarantee that it will end up flawlessly. There's always something unexpected that may happen. No matter how good you have planned something, there'll always be something that may arise. The benefit that you could get from it though is that it would give birth to a new way of learning. It could also give way to a certain strength that you didn't know you had all along. Remember, there is no perfect time but NOW.
12. FEAR OF SUCCESS
The common fears people struggle most of the time with, come from anticipated failures not knowing that we fear success as much. This may be due to how self worth is perceived, or how it was instilled in you since you were young. You have to believe in yourself and you have to let go of the thought that you're not good enough. Life is tough in a way that every way you turn, it's a competition. But the greatest competition you'd ever deal with is the one against yourself. Aim to be a better person than yesterday and everything will follow. Embrace challenges for they will facilitate growth. And love those who had said "No." to you because they are the people that made you find your way into making the impossible, possible.
13. ANYTHING EXCESSIVE
Respect balance. Work hard, play hard. Feed all the aspects of your life and you'll attain balance. You cannot just put yourself to work non stop. You need ample rest too. Take note! "Ample", meaning, "just right". Let me say it again, you cannot indulge in it too much too. You have to build up a sweat to stay healthy and pumped up. Noticed something there? Emphasis on the use of "too much" = EXCESSIVE. Mentally, we sometimes wish so hard of something that may lead to our own despair and frustration. Actually, there's nothing wrong in maximizing your own potential. Just know that everything in excess is expectedly harmful. You may have an argument with yourself that, at a particular time, it was tolerable. But regret is always felt at the end. The worst scenario is when you are at the moment of dealing with irrepairable consequences.
14. PLEASING OTHER PEOPLE
You were not born to meet the expectations of others. Each of us is unique and is bound to serve our own ultimate purpose. I have met a lot of people who wear masks in order to belong. And I, for one, am not a fan. I aim to live in the virtue of honesty. And I apply this in dealing with my own self, with my own preferences, in my own decisions and in my own solidarity. That way, people would perceive me as somebody who has respect for self. And that way, they would know how valuable RESPECT is for me to be given out to people I have met and encountered. With how complex people could be, respect is a must in dealing with cultural differences.
15. PUTTING OTHERS' NEEDS BEFORE YOUR OWN
It is innate amongst humans to be compassionate to all the world's creations. For this last one, nobody is asking you to give up the good samaritan in you. It just simply reminds you to learn the proper prioritization. Sometimes, we are more of service to others than our own self. I'll take the life of an overseas worker for example. 90% of these overseas workers have families depending on them in their own country. And, more than half of the hard earned salary are sent to them. Most often than not, they keep their expenses at a minimum for the families at home. Not knowing that the families at home are living extravagantly compared to the one resisting not eating good food just to be able to send enough. Because they don't eat well and they don't get enough rest, plus the fact that they are away from their loved ones, they easily get sick or depressed. I find this real-life example unfair. I guess applying the principle of keeping it balanced could help. Treat yourself when you can and pamper it to stay rejuvenated.
I'll be honest, in order to embrace change, you should be willing to give up a piece of what used to belong to you. It's that security blanket that you can't bear loosing that keeps your soul from gaining something. Don't be scared to feel this loss because it's the only way you could vacate space for something new. At every stage of growth and development, change happens. And at one point, we will lose the things that we hold on so dear. It is inevitable. But the moment that you accept this fact, it will be easier for you to adapt and conquer the fear it nurtures.
I would like to hear your opinion. What else do you think should be added to this list that should be given up in order to live your life freely? Leave your comment below and feel free to discuss your opinion.
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