Friday, February 13, 2009

Valentine's Day '08

As my Hogan and I were trying to relax, all cuddled up on the couch, him watching the Rugby Super-14, and I, trying to finish one chapter in my book called, "I Love You", by Gordon O. Martinborough, I came across a very informative insight about the importance of communication while dating... I can't find the most perfect way of revising it so I would just present to you how he wrote it...

"Ask wise questions.

Some dating partners are quite talkative. Others, however, are shy and silent. Some are nervous because they are fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing and losing the friendship. But the big reason for dating is to know one another better, and we cannot know each other unless we communicate with each other. Effective communication involves both talking and listening.

Those who feel afraid of talking should learn the art of asking questions. The fact is that when we do the questioning, we get the other person to do the talking! One of the biggest secrets of a good conversation is to ask the right questions. A question that allows "yes" or "no" for an answer is a poor question, for it fails to encourage conversation. A good question gets a person to express himself or herself. For example, instead of saying, "Did you like the concert?" one may ask, "What do you think about the concert?" or "What do you like about the performance?"

When we date, it is wise to discuss things that will help one to know who the other really is and hopes to be. Talk about education, lifestyle, likes, goals, family, etc. We should avoid majoring in minors. In that sublime description of "a virtuous woman" recorded in the last chapter of Proverbs, one of the qualities is, "she speaks with wisdom" (Proverbs 31:26). And a noble man does likewise.

Learn as you listen.

If one listens long enough, and observes well enough, one will learn who his or her partner really is. Jesus said that "out of the overflow of his heart, his mouth speaks" (Luke 6:45). The one who listens intelligently is able to evaluate and answer the question: Is this the kind or person I am searching for? If it is not, there's a red light. If it is, there's a green light that may someday lead to the marriage altar.

The benefits of intelligent dating are many. It affords opportunities to know oneself better, to understand and evaluate persons of the opposite sex, to deepen friendship, and to make the ultimate choice of a life companion."

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