Last night, I was able to attend a bible study here in Pa Mei.
And the speaker presented an awakening to me.
Realizations continuously poured on me until such time that I had a breakdown.
All my life, I've magnified myself alone,
leaving God on whichever side,
occupying only a tiny space of my peripheral vision.
But today, I learned that I've lived wrongly.
I've ignored how God had perseveringly proposed His love,
spontaneously romanticized me,
neverendingly courted me with true love.
I was overwhelmed more with the fame I get
when none of it would be ever possible if not for Him.
I was selfish of praise when it is Him who needs such rightful worship.
I was never mindful of how I could help others to grow and yet I pray for my own growth.
I criticized others without looking at my own actions.
I asked for so much from a person when I myself can't give it accordingly.
And then I broke into tears....
For all the people I've hurt,
for all the time I've wasted,
for all the concerns that I've shoved off,
for all the help you feel I've never appreciated,
for all the moments that I didn't try my best to share my talents or my smile,
for all the expectations I wasn't able to meet,
for all the blessings I've considered ordinary,
for the Love I could not give,
for my life taken for granted,
I am so sorry......